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May 21st, 2026
​A newsletter by Anne-Laure Le Cunff​

🪨 The Reflexive Yes

One of the easiest ways to slowly lose control of your time is to become someone who is always available. I think of this as a “reflexive yes”: the habit of agreeing before you have had a chance to ask what the request will actually cost you.

It can look like agreeing to another meeting when your week is already full, replying immediately to a message that could have waited, or saying yes to a favor before checking whether you actually have the capacity.

At first, it feels like a good thing. People see you as reliable and easy to work with. But over time, constant availability can turn into exhaustion, resentment, and the feeling that your own priorities only exist in the leftover spaces of your life.

A lot of us move through life this way more often than we realize. Someone asks for help or needs “just a quick favor,” and before you fully think it through, you hear yourself saying yes.

The tricky part is that this behavior usually comes from positive intentions. You genuinely care about doing good work and don’t want to disappoint anyone.

Still, saying yes too often can pull you away from the things that actually matter to you.

There are three main reasons why we fall prey to the reflective yes:

1. Seeking approval. Many of us learn early that being helpful makes us feel valuable, so saying no can feel like letting people down.
2. Unclear priorities. When you are not sure what matters most, every request can feel equally important.
3. Fear of missing out. Saying no can make you worry you are missing an opportunity, a potential connection, or a moment that might positively impact your future.

And the cost of constant yeses adds up and leaves you with less energy for your own ambitions. Eventually, research suggests this can lead to burnout.

On the other hand, healthier boundaries are linked to greater mental energy and a stronger sense of personal agency.

So here’s how you can break free from the reflective yes:

• Define your current priorities. Before setting boundaries with other people, get clear on what actually matters to you right now. This will make it much easier to recognize which requests genuinely align with them and which ones just consume your energy.

• Pause before responding. Create a small gap between the request and your answer instead of responding automatically. Even a simple “let me check and get back to you” gives you space to decide what to take on with intention.

• Practice saying no briefly. You don’t need a long explanation or a perfectly crafted excuse in order to protect your time. Short, honest responses are often enough, and the discomfort tends to shrink the more you practice.

• Stop managing other people’s reactions. Boundaries are not about managing how others feel, and someone feeling disappointed doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.

Learning to set boundaries is uncomfortable partly because it forces you to activate the kinds of emotions you may have spent years trying to avoid, including guilt or fear of letting people down.

But healthy boundaries are necessary if you want to make sure there’s still enough energy left for the life you actually want to build.

🔬 Tiny Experiment of the Week

Ready to put these ideas into practice? Try this week’s tiny experiment:

Even a 10-second pause can interrupt the instinct to say yes automatically and create space for a more intentional choice. This experiment will help you notice how often your first response comes from pressure or guilt rather than genuine willingness.

➤ Want to dig deeper? ​​Get your copy of Tiny Experiments​.

👀 Into the Mind of...

BRANDON WEBB

Each week I ask a curious mind about their habits, routines, and rituals. This week we learn from bestselling author Brandon Webb, former Navy SEAL and father of three, who shares his experience raising resilient, joyful kids in his new book Puddle Jumpers.

1. One daily practice you can’t do without? I practice yoga every morning. It eases my joint pain from my Navy SEAL service and helps me maintain mental clarity. I’ve been practicing for over a decade.

2. One anchor ritual to reconnect with yourself? I take a personal retreat yearly to refocus on the year ahead and reflect on the past year. This is an opportunity for me to disconnect from life’s busyness. No phone or email for 12 hours daily. Just me, my thoughts, and the quietness of the mountain.

3. One mindset shift that transformed your work? During my time training Navy SEAL snipers I had the incredible opportunity to learn from some of the best performance psychology experts in the world. The core techniques are mental rehearsal, replacing negative self-talk with positive, and switching from negative instruction for positive. This type of system was transformational for me in my professional career, and as a parent.

Puddle Jumpers

🛠️ Brain Picks

• You have 80,000 hours in your career. Most advice on how to spend those hours is based on no evidence – or worse, misleading platitudes like "follow your passion." 80,000 Hours is a tried-and-tested career guide covering what actually makes a dream job, which skills matter in the age of AI, and how to find work that makes a difference. Order your copy now.

• Ready to break free from inbox overwhelm? Start using a newsletter aggregator built for reading and wake up to a personalized news briefing using smart filters to always surface the most relevant content at the right time. Try Meco.

• Want more freedom and fulfilment at work without changing career or quitting your job? Stop following everyone else’s career scripts and start writing your own. Discover how in How To Work Your Way, a free guide created by London banker and “anti-career coach” Tom Grundy.

Many thanks to our sponsors and cross-promo partners for supporting the Ness Labs newsletter! Want to appear here? Please email support@nesslabs.com to learn more.

🗓️ Community Events

If you enjoy the newsletter, you’ll love our community of curious minds conducting tiny experiments within a safe space and learning together. Here is an overview of upcoming events (full calendar):

• Stay grounded while growing. In this ​workshop​, Gosia Fricze will help you explore how growth can sometimes feel destabilizing, what helps you stay rooted during periods of change, and how to grow without losing your sense of self.
​• Write with accountability partners. Have you been procrastinating on your newsletter or book project? Join Ethan Miller for our next cowriting session today.​
• Explore the future of learning. Join Jane Shore for an introduction to People-Based Learning, where she will walk you through the Connect Reflect Affect model and invite you into a few lightweight experiments to explore what changes when learning moves through people.​
• Remix your professional story. In this workshop, Rachel Ropeik will help you reimagine and reshape how you talk about your work based on what you want to amplify in the current moment, context, and next chapter of your adventure.​
• Design an AI-powered reflection practice. Join Zsombor Koman for this hands-on session to learn how to use AI not as a faster answer machine but as a thinking partner that slows you down in productive ways.
​• Make progress on your projects. Join Kathryn Ruge for our Monday ‘body doubling’ coworking session to work on personal or work-related projects that you want to make progress on, covering all timezones.
​• Improve your knowledge management system. Join our next PKM meeting where we learn from one another through sharing how our systems work in the real world and give new PKM users a leg up.
​• Host your own workshop. Do you have an idea for a short presentation and Q&A or a workshop you’d like to trial? Test your first iteration in the Ness Labs community and get feedback. We promote all sessions here in the newsletter.

All of these and future events are included in the price of the membership (only $49 for one year), as well as access to our courses, workshop library, and a dedicated space to track your tiny experiments.

Until next week, take care!
Anne-Laure.